Countdown

29^th November 2012

Yesterday’s appointment was a bad one.  This was the last appointment before IVF actually starts in January.  And it’s in this appointment they choose to tell me I have polycystic ovaries and low AMH levels as well as my blocked tube.  The very first time I had an internal ultrasound the result showed fluid around my ovary and when the test was repeated it had gone.  However both those tests were carried out at clinics rather than fertility clinics so they were not looking for anything specific.  The scan at the Fertility Clinic which I had about 4 months ago was more detailed.  So for 4 months they tell me that everything is fine.  And yesterday they tell me, oh by the way you have PCOS.  WTF?  I’m used to crying in all my appointments so it’s no surprise that I cried at that new news.  Coupled with the low AMH levels I was not in the best of moods yesterday.  The AMH levels measure ovarian reserve and being told that mine are low going into IVF was not great.  They have to adjust the protocol they put me on and I’m now going to be on the Antagonistic Protocol. So that’s my bedtime reading for the next few weeks sorted while I wait for January. 

A woman is born with her ovarian reserve of eggs - and once she starts her period she loses one or two a month until the menopause.  During this time the quality as well as the quantity declines.  When they say a woman’s fertility reduces with age this is what they mean and this should not be taken lightly.

I read something funny today in another one of those IVF books I’ve been reading.  Anyone who has been through infertility will be able to identify with this.  A lady said it’s her automatic reaction now whenever she has a doctor’s appointment to remove her knickers!  I remember the days I used to dread smear tests.  I’ve had so many foreign objects inserted into me for varying reasons at regular intervals on this journey, that I think its second nature to take your knickers off, get on a table and spread your legs with your heels together.

15th January

So I decided to volunteer with Infertility Network UK.  My infertility journey has been pretty isolating - aside from my immediate family and a couple of close friends I have not told anyone what has been going on.  I'm getting better at sharing but it’s still hard.  A lot of people are of the view that if you can’t get pregnant well its not meant to be and just get on with it.  Infertility is not seen as illness that actually has cures.  People think you’re selfish and just don’t understand and on top of that you already feel like crap because everyone else can do it but you.  As I know how lonely it can feel I want to help others going through the same/similar things and let them know they're not alone.  IN UK helped me a lot when I needed it the most and so I’d like to return the favour.

A woman on BBC Breakfast wound me up this morning, the segment was about children’s ages at school and if being born in the summer, therefore younger than the rest of the class actually affects their education.  This woman says she planned her conceptions so her children would be born in winter so they wouldn't be the youngest in the class.  Planned conception you know!  Well bully for you!  (Bitch)

17th January

I tried to leave some IN UK pamphlets and posters at my GP's surgery and they wouldn't accept them.  They said unless its NHS funded they can't accept them.  Even though its a charity run organisation.  Weird.  I felt quite unsupported by my GP especially when I saw a pregnant one telling me to relax and it will happen ofter a year.  There is no understanding about infertility even from GP's.  If the statistics are correct and one in six couples does go though this, then while you’re in your GP's waiting room it would be nice to glance up and see an IN UK poster or pamphlet offering support.  Trust me my GP has not heard the end of this.  I'm going to write to the practice manager.  There will be IN UK posters in my GP's surgery **Waving fist in the air**

 

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