Reflection!!

The end of the year is fast approaching and it's a time when people start to review the list of resolutions made with enthusiasm at the start of the year and evaluate how it measures up against the reality of how the year was spent.

This year has been full of ups and downs for me and at times I have procrastinated!  Too many of my plans have gotten sidelined by a big personal distraction that I don't even have any control over.  It's time for me to regroup, refocus and get back into my stride.  I need to remind myself of all the beautiful people and wonderful things that I am blessed with in my life and I need start focussing on the positives.  It's so easy to get caught up in all the things that are going wrong without realising that the negative thought patterns can quickly spiral out of control and before you know it you can wind up in depression. 

I'm currently writing a journal - something I have not done for many years.  It's a good place for me start getting back to my normal self.  I can write down my thoughts and feelings and I think getting them out properly aids the healing and growth that comes with leaving some things, which can be destructive, behind.  Well for me anyway.

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The thing with calling someone “a f*****g b***k c**t…

A lot of black people were surprised that John Terry got off.  But then there were a few black people that were not.  There were a lot of white people of the opinion that it was a nonsense trial in the first place and a few were even saying Anton Ferdinand to pay court costs.  (Read the comments section on most news outlets) In actuality it wasn’t Anton Ferdinand that pressed charges it was the police that probed video footage viewed by a lot of people on the internet that brought charges about – so at least that’s something Anton Ferdinand will have to face because in my opinion that would have been an even bigger piss take than the Not Guilty verdict.

It’s funny how Luis Suarez was punished by FIFA for his racial abuse of Patrice Evra – even though there was no video footage and no witnesses.  And it’s funny how people have to call for FIFA to punish John Terry after the Not Guilty verdict.

A lot of people think that the word c**t is more offensive than anything else John Terry said, and that calling Anton Ferdinand “a f*****g b***l c**t” is not racist – just offensive.  As a black person what John Terry said is racist, as well as offensive.  And for those that refuse to see it – let me break it down for you.  Why even utter the word black?  Why not call him a f*****g c**t?  If John Terry had been talking to a white QPR play would he have called them a f*****g w***e c**t?  I don’t think so.  Is it starting to resonate?  Let’s delve a little deeper.  It emerged during the trial that Anton had brought up the fact that John Terry had had an affair with a former team mates girlfriend and that before the racist comment was mentioned, the two were hurling insults at each other.  So it then becomes apparent then that they were riling each other with offensive language.  In continuing the theme of being offensive and insulting John Terry calls Anton Ferdinand “a f*****g B***k c**t”.  This is racist because they were trading insults and being offensive trying to wind each other up, and by bringing colour into the argument he is insulting Anton Ferdinand based on something he perceives as beneath him, something he himself is not and therefore placing himself on a higher standing, superiority.  And therein lies the racism.

The thing with racism as that we are led to believe it’s a thing of the past and doesn’t occur anymore.  In actuality racism still very much exists today – it’s the comments made by David Starkey on the 2011 riots where he said that “white people had become black”, it’s the way the Italian press depicted Mario Balotelli as King Kong, its in the murders of Stephen Lawrence and Anuj Bidve, its in the Eurocentric idea of beauty that is propagandised throughout media.  Just because it’s not as direct as it once was, it doesn’t mean it’s not happening.  For John Terry to have been found guilty would mean that society as whole would have to look at itself because far too many people didn’t see the racism in what was said so obviously behave in the same manner knowingly or not knowingly that what they are doing is racist and offensive.  I’m sick of hearing the term “the race card” because I feel that racism should be called out every time it happens, especially when it happens to people in the media spotlight, its easy for the lines of what is acceptable and what’s not acceptable to be blurred if it isn’t.  Ethnic Minorities on the receiving end of offensive racial behaviour should be able to call it out without the fear of being told they are – playing a card.  This isn’t a game.  And for the record, saying you have ethnic minority friends does not eliminate you and offensive racist language you use from being racist!

x x

Change is good!!

On the journey that is my life, it is my belief that I have a duty to become a better person.  In order to do this I am constantly growing and evolving – trying to become the best me I can be, for myself and for others.

Wherever this journey takes me and whatever I do, I know that I am striving to never stop learning about myself.  Who I am today is not who I was 20, 15 or even 10 years ago.  Who I will be 10 years from now is not who I am today.  The principals of my character will be the same but I will be a better version of the person you see today.

So with this in mind, how is it possible to have successful relationships when society in general expects you to stay the same?  When Irreconcilable Differences are cited as one of the top reasons for divorce in the western world?  When people are often told that they have changed and it’s meant as a bad thing?

In my opinion you should enter relationships, romantic and otherwise, with the knowledge that you both will change throughout its course, and this is not only a good thing – it’s a great thing.  As with buildings, the foundations are what is key to a successful relationship.  You cannot build anything that is meant to be sustainable if the foundations are weak.  Common core values and ideals are a must.  You cannot have a long standing relationship if your values are different and if your destinations don’t match.  Along with the staples love, trust, honesty and respect, don’t forget the teachings of the Dalai Lama - understanding and compassion.  Whilst you’re growing and evolving so are the people around you.  You may not grow at the same rate or even in the same direction at times because you’re journeys are not one and the same.  But your foundations and your destination are the base that will keep you strong.

Lastly, the notion that you are half of something and need someone in order to complete you need to be thrown out the window.  You are a whole being already, you are enough.  What you need is someone that will come into your life and compliment it, by supporting you, loving you and understanding you – whilst appreciating the fact that you are growing.

x x

Free your mind - and the rest will follow

“You are responsible for how you feel no matter what someone does to you. Remember you are always in control of your thoughts - so choose to feel confident and adequate rather than angry and insecure” 

I believe I am the keeper of my own destiny.  Although I cannot control everything I am willing to control the things that I can.  Mainly my perceptions, my attitude, my thoughts and my feelings.  Shit happens all the time and I can choose to wallow in it or pick up myself up and keep it moving.  There’s not point moaning about your job when you’re not doing anything to change the situation.  There’s no point moaning about being single when you’re not dating or doing anything to meet new people.  There is no point moaning about life and then doing the exact the same things and not changing anything.

It’s not until my early thirties that I really began the question the meaning of life and why I am here.  What’s it all for and what’s it all about.  We live in such a materialistic society that it’s easy for us to be autonomous as humans.  Easy to live completely for ourselves with just a fleeting and detached passing thought for others and even when things appear to be glaringly obvious cries for help, we’re able to distance ourselves and look down other people without any shred of compassion or understanding.

I’m now seeking a path of enlightenment and self awareness.  I’m practising yoga daily and trying to keep myself in tune with the universe and keep my spirit on an even keel and at a safe equilibrium.  I’m finding myself on meditation retreats with my local wellness centre – learning how to meditate and zone out of negative situations that occur.  My life needs to be stress free not just right now but at all times.  I do not need to absorb the negativity around me.  I find that stressful working environments cause us to absorb the negativity of others to our own detriment.  We don’t even realise we are doing it half the time and hence my need to step outside of myself sometimes.  It’s in these times of quite stillness and solitude that I find I am able to connect with myself on a deeper level – remembering who I am as a person without the outside influences of who I think I need to be.  I believe this is something we all should do because at the moment we are all lost – not just the people that are blatantly acting out like the rioters or the rogue American Soldier - all of us.

x x

Quotes

I find quotes very inspirational.  We all need help keeping our spirits elevated, especially in times of struggle.  For me a few simple words, a positive affirmation helps to keep me grounded and makes me feel better when I am feeling low.  A few of my favourite quotes are;

Of all things you wear – your expression is the most important. Anon.

Celebrate what you’ve accomplished but raise the bar a little higher each time you succeed.  Mia Hamm.

Years wrinkle the skin but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.  Unknown.

Do not seek the because – in love there is no because, no reason, no explanation, no solutions.  Anais Nin.

I’m not happy – I’m cheerful.  There’s a difference.  A happy woman has no cares at all.  A cheerful woman has cares but has learned how to deal with them.  Beverly Sills.

Beauty captures your attention but personality captures your soul.  Anon.

I may not agree with what you have to say but I’ll defend to the death your right to say it.  Voltaire.

It’s not the load that breaks you down.  It’s the way you carry it.  Lena Horne.

Never grow a wishbone where a backbone should be.  Clementine Paddleford.

Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done.  Harriet Beecher Stowe.

Goals are dreams with deadlines.  Diana Scharf Hunt.

I can do no great things, only small things with great love.  Mother Theresa.

I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. I will not refuse to do something I can do.  Helen Keller.

If you think you are too small to make an impact – try going to bed with a mosquito.  Anita Roddick.

x x