It’s been a long time… I shouldn’t have left you… Without a strong rhyme to step to… LOL Anyway enough of Eric B and Rakim (You got Soul) for those that know….

 

It’s been a hot minute since I blogged, I kinda found myself suffering from a blog writing block!  I’ve been semi vocal in the past in my blog about my fertility journey and I was considering creating a separate blog just for that.  It was my partner that said my blog should be about everything and anything I want to write about including the fertility stuff.

I usually find writing about things a cathartic healing process and I know the reason for my writers block.  At the start of this year we started our second cycle of IVF.  This time round things were not as straight forward as the first cycle and at times there doubts as to whether we would even make it through to the end of the treatment cycle.  I stimmed for a bit longer, was on higher doses of meds and on a lot more meds than the first time too.  I was quite poorly towards the end and suffered a bit with over stimulation.  I was very stressed due to some worrying feedback on one of the monitoring scans from a consultant I hope to never see again and during the 2WW our boiler broke down adding to an already chaotic situation.  The treatment failed and although I was kinda expecting it, nothing could prepare me for the shock and devastation I felt.  I was in a very weird place for a very long time.  I had to continue as normal and was just about making it though my working day but I would get home and completely fall apart.  I’d already had so much time off for treatment I didn’t want to continue taking time off – my workplace have been great with me getting the leave I needed.  It didn’t help that 2 work colleagues announced their pregnancies in the weeks after my failed treatment.  While happy for them, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for myself – why not me?!  Why couldn’t I be hiding the secret of early pregnancy from fertility treatment as I shared their joy?  I knew I would be ok in the near future but in that moment I was soooo not ok. 

That’s when I stumbled upon something called Transcendental Meditation (TM.    I read a book by the mogul Russell Simmons called Success through Stillness, and in it he talks about TM and how it has benefitted him.  At first I was very sceptical but after a few more weeks of being depressed I thought I had nothing to lose by giving it a try.  I arranged to go to an introductory session and by the end of that I was convinced and signed up.  TM is 20 minutes of meditation twice a day using a mantra.  The goal being absolute transcendence between the conscious and subconscious mind.  And it really is that simple.  To say I’m finding TM beneficial is an understatement, and I’ve only been doing it for a few months.  In reality it feels like TM has changed my life.  For the last few years my whole world has been consumed with things fertility – everything I did, read and ate was somehow linked to fertility, improving it and preparing myself for treatments.  Even when I said I was taking a break – it was always right there at the side of my mind – not even at the back of my mind, because it was always there.  TM has helped me to refocus on other areas of my life.  It’s helped me to remember all the wonderful things I have in my life and have achieved in my life.  It’s helped my reduce my stress and anxiety and has helped me to relinquish the unobtainable control I was trying to have on fertility – something which cannot be controlled.  It’s given me back the old me - and for that I’m very grateful!  To find out more about TM please visit the website http://uk.tm.org

Eric B and Rakim - You got soul http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hrTfI3f_WLM&feature=kp

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